Native knowledge

I need a native Japanese speaker. No problem, right? I live in a whole country full of them. Shall I approach a total stranger and ask them to give me a context-dependent answer to a very specific question that will take significant time to explain? I am sure I would do better asking a friend, but how many times can I go to a friend with my writing questions? They pop up on an almost daily basis. Friends wear out faster than that, and I don’t want to take such advantage of their friendship.

Some of my questions are simple. I asked a friend two weeks ago about a prospective title for my fourth novel. Nothing in English seemed to fit it, and I wondered if the Japanese word I was considering would sound too “non-fiction.” She told me it did not sound strange at all in Japanese, so my novel now has a title. (I will reveal it here when I have further revised and edited the novel.) The same day, I imposed on another friend to help with the proper titles of police detectives in Japan. That turned out to be much more complicated, and I opted to just call them “detective” rather than specify a rank or division. In doing so, I might have simplified too much, but a more detailed answer might have required my friend to read large swaths of the novel, and I felt that would be asking too much.

Even more than novel titles or police detectives, though, I need to understand the Japanese phrasing to which I am lending an English (American) voice. That knowledge would make the writing so much more genuine. But for that, the native Japanese speaker must read the English with great care and judge what fits Japanese speech and attitudes and what needs to be changed. That is more than a casual friend might do. What I need is not quite a writing partner, but at least a colleague, and possibly more than one. Yet I cannot afford to pay them for their time. I could make a trade in terms of English help, but I suspect I would come out ahead in any such exchange.

So what is a nonnative writer to do? Shall I approach the strangers pressed against me in the train? In the near term, I will continue to go to friends with specific questions. It may also be time, though, to find someone who wants to improve their English skills. Working with me would be great English training. I have to figure out how to find that person from among the hundreds of thousands in Tokyo who want to improve their English. It should be simple. So why do I feel so overwhelmed?

Voice

I embarked on a new task this week. I began voicing my third novel. Although the first two novels have multiple points of view, I tell them in third-person and the voices of the narrators in the various points of view are similar. Novel 3, however, I tell in first-person using eleven narrators, all women. I feel they should all have unique voices, and it is a daunting undertaking.

I have found some excellent resources on the Internet. The one that helped me the most is from Jericho Writers. It goes beyond the normal platitudes and advice on how to find your voice and gives a list (admittedly not complete) of other “elements of voice” that you can manipulate in giving unique voices to characters. Here is a partial list of their partial list:

• Rhythm

• Length of sentences and paragraphs

• Vocabulary

• Lyricism versus realism

• Humor

• Warmth

• Irony

• Descriptive versus terse

Even before getting into the list from Jericho Writers, however, the character’s intelligence, personality, and attitude in the scene have an even greater impact on their voice. What I thought would be nearly impossible is starting off to great promise, with a wealth of variables available. And I am sure I can pull it off without resorting to creating a character that is too foul-mouthed. That’s just too easy, and I don’t want to be stale. How this whole process of voicing ends will be the proof, though. I will write again to share my insights. I hope to report that I gained a new skill and used it well, but that will be up to readers to judge.

Owning it

In April and May, I submitted my short story Papier Mâché to Tokyo Writers Workshop in two halves, since it was over the word limit for a single submission. I am thankful to all of the participants for their thoughtful comments on my work. Many of them had not submitted anything themselves, so we were not even trading feedback; these were simple gifts of time and effort. I went through all of the comments in detail. They seemed to disagree on almost every aspect of the story and how I should best deal with it. I made some changes, but nothing as drastic as some commenters had suggested. This felt somehow stubborn, as I have long believed that if a reader has something to say, I should be open to their opinions and question the words I’ve written.

I found this time, though, that after careful consideration of the alternatives, many of my words were exactly what I wanted to say. The more drastic feedback for Papier Mâché would have lost the message I wanted the story to tell. Some also would have changed the voice, which I like. So with confidence I am owning the story.

I am having very similar realizations as I go through the novels I am currently editing (novels 3 and 4): I like much of the content and the major rewrites I had anticipated are not turning out to be so drastic. What both novels are still missing, though, is the careful polishing that takes so much time. That’s what I truly want to own.

One space or two?

Which is correct, one space or two after a period? I have fought the move towards one space that started decades ago, I was so firmly ensconced in my double-space habit. So why the change after so long? I think it comes down to simple vanity. I still prefer the look of double spaces. They look less crowded. But I read that double spacing after periods is a sign of age, a sign that you grew up in the typewriter era. (I actually took a typing class in high school, although it didn’t really take, with the exception of double spaces after periods.) In fact, I have read that college admissions officers commonly reject essays with double spaces because it is such a strong indicator that the applicant’s parents wrote the essay.

So I’m changing because I don’t want to be thought of as an old guy, despite my being, in fact, an old guy. I am hoping that with this change I will be able to slip my stories more stealthily into the book bags and Kindles of readers of all ages. So what if the text looks cramped? I can get used to it.

If I could just keep my thumb from doing that automatic double tap….

Approaching a major rewrite II

This is a short blog post to update the major rewrite of Novel4, which is coming along faster than I had hoped.  The key was to just start writing, and an idea for an engaging subplot presented itself.  I was able to excise the character I wrote about last time with the untoward relationship and replace that subplot with the new one.  In fact, I wrote so much on the new subplot that now the novel is far too long.

I had one final vexing problem:  how to make the last major plot twist that was driven by the excised character in the first draft.  I finally realized that I could create something very similar if I rewrote that character minus the objectionable relationship.  Now that character will play a much smaller role.  Whether the idea actually works remains to be seen.  I have not yet done that rewriting but hope to finish it this month.

It is so exciting, though, to see the second draft of the novel coming together. It had been so daunting earlier in the rewrite.  There will still be a huge amount of work to do after this second draft is finished.  I’ll have to cut tens of thousands of words.  Even harder than slashing so much will be raising the quality of the language.  I trust, however, that time and effort—and a healthy dose of imagination—will make those jobs as fruitful (and enjoyable) as this current task.

Approaching a major rewrite

My first two novels, Under Shōko’s Bed and Neyuki, are waiting on editor feedback.  This has left me free to either work on one of my other novels or jump into something fresh.  I have been doing so much editing that I want to break out and start a new piece, but I also feel the weight of those other novels, so that remains my focus for now.  There is good content in each of the three, but they need major reworking.  I had been having a terrible time trying to lose myself in the work, and I finally realized it was because I had never done that sort of thing.  I have done big work on the first two novels, but I never had to reform them completely.  

For the first of the novels to reform, I chose a still untitled work that for now I simply call “Novel4.”  I wrote it a year ago as I was waiting for my editor to get to Under Shōko’s Bed.  In the time since then, two editors have been through Shōko, and the learning from those edits colors my reading of Novel4.  So many things I did not recognize as problems a year ago now jump out at me.  I have also grown through Tokyo Writers Workshop.  There are so many viewpoints and what I learn each month from the group is all fresh in my mind, especially recognition of my weaknesses.  Also, I am reading more.  I have mentioned before that reading has never been easy for me.  I find as I read now, though, I notice more what the writer is doing.  I see writers taking chances and doing things differently than I would have expected.  All this teaches me as well.

The big problem with Novel4 is that it needs to lose an entire character, even though she was the driver of major twists in the plot.  Re-plotting the novel was being a chore, when writing is supposed to be fun.  So I decided to stop pushing myself to have everything decided in advance.  I love the wonder of the story coming to me as I go.  Granted, it can be dangerous.  You can write yourself into a corner—or do what I did and create a cringeworthy relationship between two characters that would make the reader abandon the novel.  I am on more solid ground now, though, than I was a year ago.  So I have an idea of where the novel is going, I have last year’s content as a framework, and I have my imagination as I write new relationships into the novel.  It gets more interesting and exciting by the day!  I just wish I had the time to work through it faster.

Cover critique

I had a bit of fun last Thursday (April 11).  The website where I found my editor for Under Shōko’s Bed, reedsy.com, broadcasts hour-long sessions where one or another of the cover designers with whom they work gives critiques of book cover designs.  I submitted the ones I posted here on April 1 for Under Shōko’s Bed and Neyuki, and Neyuki was one of the twenty or so that the cover designer, Micaela Alcaino, chose to critique!  (https://blog.reedsy.com/live/cover-critique-micaela-alcaino/ at about the 28 minute point)  Micaela said she loved the image, but suggested I use a narrow font, all caps, for the title and make it red.  She did not specify what shade of red, so as I reworked it, I chose a hue I thought would bring out the color beneath the frost on the woman’s lips.  Micaela also did not specify whether the author’s name should also be all caps, but all the comparable covers she showed had the authors’ names in caps, so that is what I went with.  What do you think?  Would this cover make you pick up the book and look it over?

Website: 1st anniversary

I opened this website and made my first blog post one year ago today. I have spent most of my “writing” time in the last year editing my first two novels, Under Shōko’s Bed and Neyuki. I had been working on both novels for a long time and thought they were in good shape. I never imagined it would be such a long and difficult process. They are much better novels today than they were a year ago. In fact, my editor persuaded me to try traditional publishing for Under Shōko’s Bed rather than self-publishing as I had planned.  The long editing process, though, has meant I have not sent it out yet. That should happen this month.

I did not spend all of my time editing, however. I wrote first drafts of two more novels. They both need major rewriting before I show them to anyone. I enjoyed the writing, but now that I see how involved editing is, I will approach future first drafts with much more deliberation. The project has to be something I am willing to sink years into, not just weeks or months. That is a sobering commitment.

The first year of the website also saw twenty-two blog posts. I slowed down late in the year as editing consumed more time. I didn’t feel I needed to document the editing with more posts.  The slowdown, however, may also have been because of my obsessive nature and how it impacts my work. It was difficult to concentrate on blog post topics when my mind was swimming in tightening a novel.

I hope the next year is even more productive, and I look forward to entering the publishing part of the authorship experience. I also hope to spend less time editing and more time reading.

Tokyo Writers Workshop

On Sunday afternoon, I attended Tokyo Writers Workshop (TWW). In one form or another, it has been meeting for over thirty years and is a wonderfully eclectic group of writers. We meet once a month to critique each other’s work.  I submitted chapter 1 of Neyuki, and I am thankful for the valuable feedback I received.  I also had the chance to hear others’ comments for the various submissions.  My first impression was that my responses were woefully lacking in detail and I must up my game if I want to be a contributing member of the group.  It was also fascinating to see the submissions through others’ eyes.  Things I had dismissed lightly were discussed in the context of genres of fiction with which I was unfamiliar, and I learned that some I thought were “out there” were actually mainstream.  Again my too thin reading experience came back to bite me.  I will look at future submissions with kinder, more supportive eyes.

Regarding Neyuki, there was no real consensus in the group as to what changes were necessary, although many thought the chapter needed to move faster.  As a result, I moved some descriptions of the setting into the next chapter.  I also added more tension to the scene where Will hides the body.  Overall, the pacing is better than before. Still, it would move even faster if I cut it by 20 percent. That is this weekend’s task.

There were also questions about why a good man would move his colleague’s corpse rather than just call the police, so I heightened Will’s fear of involvement with the Japanese police and strengthened the logic he follows.  I also set up his logical thought process, which struck some as cold, as an escape Will turns to when reality is too awful and terrifying to countenance.

The one thing on which everyone seemed to agree was the first chapter effectively hooks the reader.  That was my biggest question.  I wish I could have gotten everyone’s feedback on the entire novel.  To submit it piece by piece to the group would take most of two years, and I hope to publish it long before that.  I can, though, submit the pieces that worry me.  There will be plenty of time for those before publication.

Editing: Neyuki

In my blog post a month ago, I mentioned that I have been editing Neyuki, getting it ready to go to my editor in March.  My goal was to cut it by 20 percent from 145,000 words.  I think I am as close as I will come to that goal at 120,300 words (17 percent cut).

I am both pleased and disturbed by how little of Neyuki’s content I sacrificed in whittling down the word count so significantly.  I hope it suggests my wife and I may be imaginative, expressive editors, but it also implies my original writing was wordy and repetitive.  I am learning, though, and hope future writing will be both more efficient and more moving.

As with all but the broadest editing of Under Shōko’s Bed, I found it easier to work off of a printed version of the novel.  It allows more deliberate, thoughtful changes to the text.  One place I departed from that is in using ProWritingAid, a digital editor.  Those changes, however, were smaller adjustments in wording.  I plan to read through the novel (yet again) to make sure those edits do not affect the flow of the text, since most of the ProWritingAid alterations occurred without an extensive review of the surrounding text.

The edit has been time consuming as both my wife and I worked through the entire text twice (some sections much more) to save 25,000 words.  We’ve been bereft of free time for the last two months.  With this edit nearing completion, I am considering what comes next.  First is another pass through Under Shōko’s Bed, since I am getting feedback from a second editor, Sadie Rittman (the daughter of the editor who worked on it last summer).  I also suspect a window of opportunity will close soon for my fourth novel as a subject-matter expert will leave Japan this summer and easy access to his wealth of knowledge will disappear.  The more daunting question with that novel is what bigger, deeper meaning I will offer to readers than the arcs of the various relationships, both loving and unfaithful.

It will be a momentous winter and spring!  I hope I will be efficient too, since I have my third and fifth novels to whip into shape, and I still hope to create new content at the same time I am editing the old.